Mrs. P’s Wicked Dream

(Note – this bit of silliness is a story for Jeanie)

So here I am in the midst of some of the world’s most beautiful women. And I’ve already told you about my plodding suffering ad nauseum. I think the trauma of it all brought on this wicked dream…

I am laying the blame solely on Mrs. Potatohead. She looks very innocent but has a devious streak that comes out when vexed. (You would know that if you’ve seen her in the Toy Story movies.)

All I can say is she was making her way along the narrow streets of Lucca yesterday and had to stop for a rest. And as she watched the gorgeous Italiano Barbie Dolls stride by, she had a moment of madness…

ImageFirst there was this one…

Tan legs “up to there” and all that.

ImageThen there was this one… who not only had on the 5″ blue heels, but a necklace cascading down her back inside a draped blouse that framed it perfectly. And of course the haircut was exquisite.

And that was just two passers-by in about 30 seconds! What’s an old gal with spuds for feet to do?

That’s when Mrs. P nodded off and dreamed what it would be like to be one of “them.” And since she wasn’t born that way, she took matters into her own hands.

It took a bit of patience but here was the plan. Mrs. P decided to lie in wait for one of the gorgeous creatures in her natural habitat – in front of the window display of one of the very expensive clothing and shoe shops – the kind that sell those 5″ heels in a rainbow of colors (with huge buttery leather handbags to match that cost the equivalent of a mortgage payment!)

And here is where the patience comes in. The right woman must be distracted by the goods in the window AND have a loose hair on her shoulder that Mrs. P can kindly pluck off as a favor. It IS tricky getting that close without alarming the “mark” but it can be done. Otherwise, plan B involves tranquilizer darts and that’s a whole ‘nuther story she would rather not get into.

So, once the hair is obtained, the magic can happen.

Mrs. P just happens to know that all those cartoons of kids with secret laboratories where they do miraculous scientific experiments really do exist. And if you know where to look, you can find one. That’s how she managed to get the DNA from the hair and then clone it and have it administered to her by injection. (Few people know that is also how she managed to learn martial arts for her role as “one-eyed Betty” in Toy Story 3.) The process is still top secret and can’t be divulged, but it does allow her to take on the attributes of the beautiful ones.

ImageSuddenly she is wearing high heels and strolling along the fashionable shops with a discretionary air. Even she doesn’t realize how glamorous she is until she sees her photo in the rag mags right beside the supermodels! The resemblence is striking!

And it has happened just in time, because her sister-in-law, the original Italian Barbie, is set to arrive for a visit!

No matter. Mrs. P has glammed up considerably and takes full advantage of her interchangeable parts. She already traded in her knees for a new pair, so now all she has to do is go shopping for other parts that suit her personality better. No big deal!

ImageNow when Barbie, um, er… Maria Betta gets here, they can blend right in with the crowds.

No matter where they go – Florence, Rome, Milan… all those high fashion centers of the universe… they are ogled and adored from afar but they never notice.

ImageAt least not until Mrs. P wakes up from her dream and finds that her diabolical plan didn’t work. And why is an Italian Barbie Doll pulling her around in a wagon? And what are these loose parts that are scattered all over?

Oh no… this is not a dream at all.

The concussion Mrs. P sustained when her bike went over the edge of the wall that encircles Lucca has left her a little fuzzy.

Thankfully, MB has rescued all her parts and is taking her back to the apartment for a rest. And pulling the wagon in her own 5″ heels!

Ah well. Mrs. P has realized her limitations and decided it is just too much work to be something you’re not. But a little dream about it now and then is nice…

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jeanie Ader
    Oct 09, 2012 @ 09:13:03

    Hahaha! *snort* Pictures and all! Thank you, dear. I enjoyed the story.


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